Hi all you wonderful people in recovery from addiction. Where ever you are in learning affiliate marketing, you need to keep working on your “Meta Story”. Now this isn’t just about focusing on the positive only, but becoming aware of all your feelings. The reason that I am writing this now is that I’m actually feeling it right now, what may you ask?

Well today we sold our camper van “Betsy”, and although it was my decision to sell her, it did make me very emotional throughout the whole process from when the sale was agreed, which was quick, to the time “Betsy” was collected by the new owners, I was totally heartbroken.

Now rationally it made total sense to sell her- she was getting older, more expensive to maintain, and in the past year we hardly used her. I actually used to resent the thing, calling it a white elephant or the most expensive clothes line in Ireland, (we used to hang clothes on the bike rack to dry).

So where am I going with this?

It seems absurd to be so attached to a machine, doesn’t it?, but when reflecting on it I became more emotionally aware that it was the many loses all compounded on top of each other and “Betsy” was just the trigger.

How could this be?

Let me explain: The nostalgia of the memories associated with the camper van and our adventures and family time together, seemed to come to an abrupt end and that I feel is what affected me so much. My youngest son was only a baby when we brought the camper van, so he has grown up with her, he is now five and a half. Thus it is an end to an era, which in a way is a loss.

But realistically, I still have my family, thankfully nothing has changed there and strangely enough, this whole experience has made me feel more attached to them, as I realise just how much I love them and them me. I felt like I failed them by selling “Betsy” as my sons' where also upset she was going. My wife has nerves of steel and she did all the negotiating and selling and handover, thank God for her as I don’t know if I would have been emotionally or mentally capable of it.

Now talking about the compounding losses, I’ve sold many other cars before, have had to put down pets and never felt as bad before, but I feel that is because I never allowed myself to properly feel my feelings or express them.

I lost both my parents, 7 & 8 years ago respectively and that was the hardest time in my life, as although I lived far away from them, we were always a close family. I thought over time I had grieved their loss, but I now find that maybe I haven’t fully yet. Maybe I still have a lot of grieving to do, and maybe I always will.

So is it okay for me to feel my feelings or am I just being sentimental? I spent 21 years of my life running from my feelings and drowning them in alcohol, so for the past 15 years I’ve only been getting to know my own feelings, for the first time. A lot has happened in the past 15 years both positive and negative, I lost my parents, but I got married and have had 2 amazing son’s. I have both lost and gained in my life.

I am nostalgic by nature and I have let that nostalgia give me a lot of pain in my life. I was once told “Nostalgia is the arthritis of the mind”, maybe that is right, but I have to let it go. I cannot repeat the past, what is gone is gone, all we all have are the memories. I need to cherish those memories and not spend my time longing for them to come back, as I can’t. As I said already, maybe the core reason for my upset is that I haven’t fully grieved my parents and maybe I never will.

To wind up this long winded blog, what has come to my own awareness is that it’s okay to feel how I feel and express my feelings, both happy and sad. In fact if you want to create a great “Meta-story” then you have to acknowledge both good and bad feelings, feel those feelings (for as long as it takes) and then let them go. So please I can’t emphasis enough to you that if you are to learn to be an affiliate marketer, get in tune and in touch with ALL your feelings and just let your Emotions Flow, until they can flow no more. The release will be absolutely incredible and you will be set up to move forward. When you process your negative emotions, you leave room for more positive emotions.

I am learning as I am going and although I am in recovery a long time, this journey with SFM has made me look at myself, where I am at and where I want to be. Having goals is great but dealing with the past and even present is so therapeutic and it will allow you to acknowledge & accept how you are feeling, have a good cry if you need to, and then let go and move on.